just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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