He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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