I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
