Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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