There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
