friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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