so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
