i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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