She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
