I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
