My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
