Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
