So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
