im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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