The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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