Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
