What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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