I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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