im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
