i jhust puked up my retainher.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
