I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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