I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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