haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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