oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
