Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
love makes seman taste better
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
