i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
