i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
