Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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