Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
