So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
