Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize