Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize