Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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