I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
