is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
