I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
