oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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