That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
