Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize