you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
