Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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