she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
