the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
