Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
