Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
