oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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