So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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