Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
