I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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