so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
