my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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