Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
