so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
