A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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