i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
