Farmville is her only friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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