So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize