I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
