literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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