I wanna passion pit in your ass
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
