New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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