i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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