Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
