My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
