I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
