I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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