How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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