i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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