what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
