Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
