I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
