Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
