I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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