youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
