I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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